In Thirteens
by FigTreeofyourImagination
Summary: Some Friday the Thirteenth mayhem rises in the blue blur's home. What is an Echidna, a Fox, and two Hedgehogs to do?


Disclaimers: Sonic and whatever all belong to the Sonic Team and Yuji Naka.

Takes place after "Iron Maiden" and blah blah blah... Written because I like Friday the Thirteenth for no apparent reason. Rated for general weirdness and some cursing. This would have been put up on Friday, but the system was acting all stupid-like.

Enjoy.

* * *

IN THIRTEENS

Knuckles hated Friday the Thirteenth. He loathed every time the superstitious day came up. Why?

A loud bang sounded from the floor below, followed by a string of nasty curses.

He hated Friday the Thirteenth because it was the Brothers' form of April Fools. An April Fools that lead to swearing, destruction, and more Chaos than he could handle.

The red echidna sighed and looked over at the digital clock he had by his bed. It was nine in the morning, and he was starving. He had hoped to maybe sleep the whole day through and miss out on the mayhem, but his grumbling stomach was being difficult. Perhaps he should have packed some lunch bags for himself last night. Feeling exasperated and not at all ready for the general rage that was sure to bombard him the moment he left the upstairs, Knuckles slugged out of bed and shuffled for the restroom to splash some water on his face. Maybe he could spend the day at the local park.

Reaching the bathroom the mammal let himself in blearily, rubbing at his eyes absently. Trying to ignore the shouts floating up through the floor he set to work trying to locate his toothbrush and facecloth. No sooner had he stepped inside the door to the lavatory swung shut, and all the lights went out.

"You stupid fool!" shouted Sonic from the main floor, shaking his limbs like the disturbed animal he was. "I told you to stop booby-trapping my toast!" He was covered in bits of jam and burnt bread, and his ears were smoking.

"'Stupid' and 'fool' mean the same thing, sibling," pointed out Shadow, who was grinning into his mug of tea like the sadist he was. "You're being redundant."

"Shut it!" retorted the other. "As if you're any better, you half-wit ninny-hammer!"

The dark hedgehog snorted into his tea, taking a sip of his herbal drink. He saw his brother's toothy and rather evil-looking smile too late. Shadow resisted the urge to show surprise as his mug suddenly bit him on the nose, latching itself to his face. He failed miserably.

Sonic was laughing himself stupid. "Didn't see that coming, did you?"

A horrible shriek sounded from upstairs, making the brothers look up at the ceiling. The tiles above their heads buckled and puckered in a primitive way. With an odd sucking noise the roof literally spat a goo-covered figure to the cold kitchen floor with a loud smacking sound. They were both stunned to see the screaming bundle fly to a standing position and reveal itself to be the third member of the household. "No, I didn't," said Shadow from inside his mug. "And I didn't see that coming, either."

Knuckles was crazed beyond belief. He whirled around wide-eyed to face the chaotic twins. He was covered from head to toe in some kind of ooze and looked less than stable. "I just got eaten by the bathroom!" he shouted desperately, pointing a shaking finger at the ceiling, which had gone back to its regular make.

"I assume you made that one for me, brother?" inquired Sonic to his black and red twin, who was trying to dislodge the carnivorous piece of fired clay from his nose.

"Yes. Though I'll admit I didn't expect it to go quite so wrong," replied the creature.

"You made that?!" Knuckles cried incredulously, still overly disturbed at the fact that the house biffy had just swallowed him whole and spat him out. Goo was oozing off of him in globs. "That's horrible!"

"It wasn't that bad," defended the hedgehog as he pulled at the mug harder.

"What part of '_I got eaten by the bathroom_' don't you understand?"

"Oh, don't be a baby," chided Sonic. Shadow finally wrenched the mug off his precious nose, spilling tea everywhere.

"What?" cried Knuckles. "You would be making a worse fuss if it had been you!" he shouted, his brain too shaken up to watch what he was saying.

Sonic gave him a cold glance as he dusted himself of ballistic jam and toast bits. "So?" he said indifferently.

"I can't believe I didn't get you with that one, sibling," pouted Shadow, rubbing his assaulted nose. "Now it's wasted."

"Oh, you actually think that _I_ go to that sick washroom in the mornings? Please," snorted the azure giant hedgehog. "I have my own in my room."

"Is that so?" questioned Shadow darkly.

"Of course," he continued. "I'm not going to expose myself to the germs of you three freaks of nature when I have to do my business." He smirked at him in a smug fashion. "So you just wasted your time with that prank."

Shadow was showing some very rare signs of rage. He kept his head level despite his brother's infuriating statement. "I'm surprised that we _all_ don't have private privies then, Sonic," he said.

The other shrugged. "Why should you? It's my house. I get the best stuff."

"Please tell me that the cereal isn't going to go all cannibalistic on me," whined Knuckles, who was once again having the worst morning of his life. He didn't give a fig's foot about who had a private washroom or not at the moment. He just wanted to eat something and leave. Maybe a personal restroom would sound more appealing when his nerves stopped running laps about his brain. "I'd like to keep my cardboard injuries to a minimum."

"Cannibalistic means to eat another of your own species, nimrod," quipped Sonic irritably. "Hence, I'm sure that a cereal box afflicted with cannibalism wouldn't do you any harm."

The red echidna just gave him a sour look.

"I think the cereal's fine, Knuckles," supplemented Shadow, wiping stray tea from his fur coat with a dish rag. He tossed the cloth to the traumatised being shortly thereafter. "The ooze should come off easily with this," he explained as the other caught it.

Knuckles began to usher the gross stuff clinging to his person as he foraged the insides of the cupboards for a quick morning meal. He definitely needed to get out of here for the day. "Where's Tails?" he asked. The house was strangely devoid of shrieks and squeals.

Sonic huffed snobbishly to himself. "He's at school. It's Friday, not Saturday."

"I _know_ that," sighed the red echidna. Yes, Friday. This was the only time of year he didn't like the last day of the working week.

"What other lame-ass tricks do you have stashed in my house, Shadow?" interrogated Sonic to his brother.

Shadow didn't immediately reply. "I'm not telling," he said at length.

The blue being gave him a sideways glance. "Is that so?"

Knuckles was approaching the fridge with utmost caution.

"Well, then, I'll guess I'll just have to keep an eye out… knowing you and your foul ideas of what a 'good-natured' trick can be."

The second hedgehog just turned up his nose, which had a ring of red around it where the mug had clung to him. "Touché."

The echidna pulled the fridge door open with his chosen cereal box held up in front of his face for protection.

The super-speed hog shook his head at the anteater after giving him yet another customary glare. He knew his moronic twin had a few more pranks stashed somewhere… and it wasn't like he didn't have few more of his own, either. The only time he was truly happy nowadays was when his brother was not having a good day. Or when he was in pain. Both were good.

Shadow eyed his loathsome sibling carefully. He didn't trust Sonic as far as he could drop him. The fart had a few more practical jokes up his sleeves, he was sure. Of course, he did too. He wasn't letting his 'dear' brother get away this time. After all the time they had both spent apart after their awakening into this Age, he intended to pay him back for all the Friday the Thirteens they had missed. And there was a lot. He had traps everywhere, and he just hoped that the echidna wouldn't trip any more of them. The bathroom one, he now realised, had been a no-brainer. Of course Sonic had a private washroom, why else would he take so long upstairs when there was a perfectly functional one on the main floor? It was a simple mistake, though it was too bad that Knuckles had to go through it instead.

Knuckles was opening a carton of milk, keeping it aimed and held well away from his person.

Huffing in boredom Sonic stomped off into the living room. Shadow took his mug and placed it in the sink. Grumbling as he usually did, the blue hedgehog stormed towards his favourite armchair, one that he never let anybody else sit in, not even for a moment.

The red echidna, having found a bowl that was perfectly normal, was pouring himself a shaky breakfast. He jumped when he heard his landlord shriek at the top of his lungs. He poked his head out to look into the living room over the kitchen counter. Shadow was laughing hysterically beside him.

Sonic was cursing a blue streak. He was up to his armpits in furniture. "I hope you know I hate you with every bone in my body!" he shouted at the laughing hedgehog heatedly from his prison, his bottom lost somewhere between the cushions of his chair. His feet were bent up at the sides of his head, and his arms weren't too incredibly useful at the moment.

"Oh, that's precious!" sobbed Shadow between giggles. "I didn't think you'd fall for that one!"

"Fall for it?! I'm stuck in it!" he cursed back, trying to sound imposing, but failing utterly. His brother laughed harder. That's it. He was hexing this chair. There would be no soul on this earth that would be able to come within a yard of it. Nobody, _nobody_, put a trick curse on his things.

Knuckles ate quickly, shovelling his… he looked at the box… 'Wheat Shreddy Bits'… into his mouth in haste.

Shadow was nearly rolling on the floor in glee.

Sonic was struggling to get out of his chair.

Knuckles slurped back the rest of his food and put everything away where it belonged, bidding a hasty retreat to the front door. "I'm going out," he informed the warring brothers quickly.

"I'm going to kill you, Shadow!" and "Pick up Tails today would you, Knuckles?" was the last thing he heard as he exited the house for the day.

It was much calmer, and nicer outside. Knuckles let out a sigh of relief. It was early April, with the last snows of winter melting away to make room for the fresh green poking up from the lawns of the human-folk. He passed Dr. Eggman's property. The man already had flowers springing up in his yard. Despite the fact that he was a crazy robo-dictator in the fantasy world that was their job, he was a very pleasant neighbour. He was friendly, and somehow had the steely kind of guts that could endure even the worst of Sonic's rages, something their neighbours on the other side of the house ever got a hold of. Hence, the house on the left side of their yard fence was always up for sale. No-one had bought it yet.

He checked his watch, moving the cuff of his large gloves out of the way to peer at the glass-encased face. Nine-thirty. Well, he had more than enough time before he had to retrieve the two-tailed fox from his classes at three-ten. Taking another content whiff of the fresh air he continued towards the local park.

- - -

Shadow was still rolling around like some kind of bloated termite by the time Sonic had finally wrenched his body from the confines of his beloved armchair-turned-hedgehog-devouring-chair. He growled most evilly to himself. Ooh, he was going to get that pansy back, just see if he didn't.

"Ah…" sighed the black and red hog as he picked himself up from the floor. "That was marvellous…"

"Yeah, sure… a real laugh riot," sneered the grumpier of the Twins.

"Don't tell me you've lost your sense of humour over all those years of sleeping underground," commented the other, wiping stray tears of mirth from the corners of his eyes.

Sonic watched him carefully from the corner of his sight.

The giggling being wandered over to the living room to help his twin get back to his feet. "It's all good fun, sibling," he said. "You shouldn't be taking it seriously."

"Of course," he replied through clenched teeth. "All… Good fun…"

His brothers' sad attempt at agreement wasn't fooling Shadow. He knew that the other was furious. Sonic was like some sort of spoiled brat. He could dish out some seriously nasty pranks, but couldn't take them nearly as well. But that didn't bother him too much. The rises he always got out of his sibling were always so incredibly entertaining to watch. It was fun seeing him turn purple with rage.

"Where are you drifting off to, snot-rag?" Sonic questioned irritably, seeing that his twin had zoned off.

"None of your business, weasel," he replied cheerily with a big smile.

"Hmph."

Shadow turned away and stepped off into the hallway. He wanted to check the load of laundry he had started earlier that morning. He needed some clean socks, and he was wearing his last unsoiled pair.

Sonic's stomach was rumbling slightly, since his first attempt at getting breakfast had literally blown up in his face. He trudged off angrily towards the kitchen.

A loud scream of horror sounded from the laundry room and he sniggered to himself.

Shadow came rushing out like a madperson. "Sonic, you fiend!" he shouted, stopping right before his smirking blue twin. He held up his socks in his hands. "Look what you did!" he accused, shaking them in front of his eyes. They were neon pink.

"What?" he deadpanned.

He squinted at him suspiciously. "These were _white_ socks, Sonic. Why are they _pink?_"

Sonic snorted, breaking his blank façade with a wide malicious grin. "I thought that pink would be a much better colour for you, _dear brother_… since you're always so happy and giddy like some idiotic five-year-old."

Shadow's eyes were twitching dangerously. Sonic had stooped to an all-new low. He should have known.

"Something wrong with that, hmm?" he questioned with an obnoxious smile. "I thought you'd like the change."

"You are a dead man, Sonic," threatened the other through gritting teeth. "You _know_ I hate the colour _pink_."

"Do you, now?"

The two stared each other down straight in the eyes.

Things were going to get nasty.

- - -

Knuckles was happy to be outside on such a pretty day. Thankfully, Eebon hadn't booked them all for acting. They were still working on the whole 'Riders' title, and 'Jet' wasn't always cooperative. The former-parrot-pet sill had a terrible addiction to crackers, and occasionally would start chasing Shadow about the set, chanting 'Polly wants a cracker!'

He sat himself down on a bench by the park's path. Ducks and other water fowl swam about in the lake ahead of him, feeding on the bread that other park-goers were tossing towards them. The echidna didn't have any bread himself. But he was content. He wasn't really a feed-the-pigeons kind of guy. He preferred to watch instead.

His watch read eleven-thirty now. He still had plenty of time to relax.

- - -

Sonic and Shadow were glaring daggers at each other. The house was a mess.

The simple Friday the Thirteenth pranks had evolved into a full-out war.

Sonic's fingers were twitching in anticipation. His brother stood before him like an old-western convict ready to do the sheriff in.

There was a spell of absolute silence.

Then the whole neighbourhood block shook.

- - -

Knuckles stretched and yawned happily. This was the way to spend a Friday.

- - -

The two Maniacal Twins were coughing amidst the settling supernatural smoke. Sonic waved his arms to ward away the poofy stuff, coughing into his fist. Shadow was doing likewise. When the glittering clouds finally faded, the two could only gawp.

"PINK!" shrieked Sonic, pointing at his brother.

"YELLOW!" shrieked Shadow, who was also pointing at his brother.

They looked at themselves.

"PINK!"

"YELLOW!" Sonic glared. "And POOFY!" His frown was as hideous as the depths of his basement. "I WILL _KILL YOU!_" he threatened savagely. Indeed, he had become a mess of poofy yellow fur, like a plush animal that got put in the dryer for too long. His tail had an especially big tuft at the end. It was most unbecoming.

Shadow was too busy being appalled at himself to notice his twin's threat. "I'm pink…" Never in all his years did he ever even entertain the thought of becoming so horrible a colour. He looked as though he was about to cry. He suddenly scowled. "You are SO _DEAD!_"

They started shouting at each other, arms in the air, yelling a nonsensical war-cry that made them both bristle like over-active cacti.

Outside, some passers-by were giving the house an awkward glance, speeding up in their walks.

"_RRRAAAAGGGGHHHH!!_" they both cried at the tops of their lungs.

The two hedgehogs flew at each other like rabid animals, cursing and pulling and biting. The death threats were uncountable and the general unpleasantries were even greater. Both of them were at their worst.

"I'll tear out your spleen!" threatened Sonic.

"I'll break off your spines!" retorted Shadow.

"I'll knock you into the next millennium!"

"I'll ship all of your limbs to different parts of the world!"

And so the threats continued.

- - -

It was two-thirty. Shrugging and getting up from his fourth bench, Knuckles started for the elementary school Tails would be leaving from in just forty minutes. It would be a good walk.

Nice days out like these always reminded him of his birthplace in the high cliffs of the Great Canyons, where the weather was as unpredictable as it could possibly be. Sure, the only real weather to be had was either a dry day or a wet day, but either of these could vary in so many ways in the remote area that was his home.

He reached the school easily and quickly enough. The children, all anthropomorphic in their own way, were just beginning to spill out of the doors to rush home. Some were congealed in little groups, speaking in quiet tones to each other, others just speeding off by themselves.

Tails came stumbling out eventually, spinning himself in circles with his lunchbox in one hand. "Woopwoopwoopwoop," was the sound he made as he span, slowly rotating towards the echidna on the border of the green.

"How was your day, Tails?" he asked the young fox.

"I made a plane!" replied Tails loudly.

"That's great," he said. "Let's go home."

Tails followed after the echidna obediently, spinning himself in circles with an inexhaustible amount of energy.

- - -

The two of them just laid on the floor, completely spent and out of breath. The house was still in shambles. They'd fix it later.

"I -huff- hope you know -huff- that I -huff- hate you…" wheezed Sonic to the floor.

Shadow was panting at the ceiling. "Tell me -huff- something I don't -huff- know…"

"I hate -huff- you…"

"Like -huff- wise…"

"I hope you burn…"

"Touché…"

Sonic frowned into the ground. "Stop saying that."

They were both fully aware that they were not of their usual pigment, and this was driven home rather violently as the front door more or less fell off its hinges to admit entry of the last two inhabitants of the house.

Knuckles' expression was priceless.

Tails just span.

Sonic and Shadow were frozen on the floor, staring back at them.

A collective total of four screams, because Tails thought he should pitch-in, sounded from the building and rocked the immediate neighbourhood.

"Good lord what happened?!" shouted Knuckles, appalled.

Tails was still screaming for the fun of it.

"It's all his fault!" accused the formerly-blue-now-very-poofy-and-yellow hedgehog, pointing an angry finger at the second hog.

"It was not!" defended the formerly-black-and-red-but-now-very-pink creature. "You stared it with the stunt you pulled with my laundry!"

"Oh, yeah? Then what about what you did to my chair?!"

"That was harmless!"

"It was not!"

The echidna slowly inched away, regretting that he had just started yet another argument. He had grown to except it, since fights between the Twins was always inevitable, regardless of what was going on.

Tails was still shrieking his little heart out for fun.

As he reached his room on the second floor Knuckles promptly shut the door and leaned against it in exasperation. Maybe now he could just sleep the rest of this awful day away…

His stomach growled a little.

He should have grabbed some take out for himself when he had the chance.

- - - Fin.

* * *

A/N: Yes, it's short. It was a seat-of-the-pants thing. 


End file.
